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In shocking news, ESPN has announced that the Reno Wolfpack of the Imperial Football League will be moving to Charlotte at the start of the 2023 season. The transcript from the press conference follows:
Argot: Thank you for coming ladies and gentlemen. I understand you have already heard the news that the team is moving. I’ll be glad to answer any questions you might have.
Interviewer #1: Mr. Argot, can you comment on why you are moving the team to Charlotte?
Argot: yes. (pause)
Interviewer #1: Could you elaborate : )
Argot: yes. I could. (pause)
Interviewer #1: Why are you moving to Charlotte?
Argot: Thanks for the question, many of you have heard that there were rumors floating around about a move. Let me say that this is purely a financial decision. It has nothing to do with our fans here in Reno who have supported us well in putting people in the seats year after year. When we took over this team a couple of years ago, we were handed a stadium that was already outdated when it was built. There were almost no luxury suites to speak of and the condition of the work was of poor quality.
Interviewer #2: Why didn’t you just renovate? Wouldn’t that be a cheaper option and still keep the fan base happy?
Argot: We did try last year and the city turned us down. But perhaps a greater truth is that we needed a bigger market than what Reno could give us.
Interviewer #1: So you have a problem with the city of Reno?
Argot: Nothing personal. I wasn’t around in the fledgling years of the Imperial League. If I look at the landscape, I can only guess that most teams were placed in small markets as to not go straight up against the NFL. I mean, why else would we have teams in Fargo and Little Rock. These are classy towns, but in order to compete financially, we have to take drastic measures. If you think I’m the only one, you might want to look at the number of moving proposals that are being sent to the league office. There are teams like Newark who benefit from being in the suburbs of New York City and therefore can continue to draw people. But Las Vegas is a bit far for us to draw from.
Interviewer #3: You mention Las Vegas…why not move there…why Charlotte?
Argot: Great question! Las Vegas really didn’t want a team. They already root for us, but let’s face it, you don’t come to Vegas for football. One of our other options was Phoenix. This was almost a no brainer for us because it would have kept us in the same region as our rivals. But Charlotte put together an amazing package and here’s the kicker, besides building us a brand new stadium with a large number of luxury suites, they sport one of the highest levels of earning potential of all teams that showed interest. In addition, they have very little competition from other entertainment markets. We have a chance to really own the Carolina region.
Interviewer: #1: So will you be requesting to change divisions to compete with Georgia?
Argot: Heck no!, And miss the fun of going up against Mr. Vitto, Mr. Mark, and Mr. Jave and the Oakland….whatever their name is now? No…we will gladly stay in the NC West. Besides, I don’t think that the league would ever allow for re-alignment.
Interviewer #2: Speaking of “whatever their name is now,” will you be retaining the Wolfpack name?
Argot: Awesome question! We are in talks with the City of Reno now about the Wolfpack name. It wouldn’t be uncommon for us to keep the name since the IFL trend is to simulate College teams. I think NC State might like it. We are probably going to ask the Carolina fan base to make that decision. We’ve been playing with a few names besides the Wolfpack…one is to borrow the Dragon name that was released when Boston moved, the other is the Copperheads, the Catfish…and who knows what else we might come up with.
Interviewer #3: Vogue magazine stated in an interview you were miffed about the league approving Hartford’s color scheme.
Argot: Color Schemes? Are you kidding me? Color Schemes? Really…Color Schemes? You’re asking if I’m upset about Color Schemes? Don’t ask me about Color Schemes. Color Schemes?
Interveiwer#3: So you weren’t mad? You will keep the same color scheme?
Argot: No....we’ll be going in a different direction.
Interviewer #1: Any chance you’ll ask Mr. George in Dakota for the Spirit moniker?
Argot: No comment…thank you ladies and gentlemen…we’ve got 5 years to build a winner so that people actually show up to that glossy new stadium. (Argot leaves the podium)
Interviewer #2: Mr. Argot…Mr. Argot….Mr…Arg….
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