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Recap from the 1/03 Montreal Firebirds Press Conference:
- Head coach Britt Hatcher takes the podium -
First of all, I'd like to thank... ummm (squints) both of you for coming. I know the weather outside is trying, what with a light rain shower and all.
Anyway, I have here a written statement from my Offensive and Defensive coordinator... or as I like to call them, my offensive coordinators.
(Unwraps a crumpled piece of paper)
Now then, Coach Krueger has this to say about the OFFENSE:
"We are extremely thrilled to present a brand new offense to the league this year!
The Montreal Firebirds will be exclusively running what we like to refer to as the 3-4 OFFENSE.
The 3-4 Offense consists of our QB, number 3, handing the ball off.."
(Britt Hatcher stops reading, rubs his eyes and mutters "You've got to be fuckin kidding me" under his breath... he lets out a deep sigh)
the offense consists of our QB, number 3, handing off to our new running back, number 4.
Over and over."
(He stops reading)
Sweet shit, I... I gotta sit in on these meetings more often.
(Rubs his eyes)
Ok, let's see if our D Coordinator has any pearls of fuckin wisdom...
(He unwraps another wad of paper and reads)
"Dear Mr Hatcher,
Cut Kim Starks.
- Victor"
(Coach Hatcher puts his head in his hands)
-- A member of the press chimes in:
"Speaking of Kim Starks, has he lived up to expectations? I know you traded multiple picks to grab him in the mid-2nd round"
(Coach Hatcher rubs the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes..)
Kim Starks... he...
Well, he IS making progress. At this point, he has shown that, if given enough time, he can slowly lower himself onto a chair and sit without any help for at least 10 minutes. He can also ... well, ALMOST... he can almost tie BOTH his shoes without getting fatigued.
Ah hell.. we traded half our draft to get him and I would cut him in a heartbeat if it wouldn't hurt our wallets so much. If anyone wants to trade for him, all we're asking in return is a bag of footballs.
In closing, I would also like to thank the people of Canada. I know we haven't been doing well lately, so as a show of good faith , we cut ticket prices.
Out faith was rewarded by even LESS people buying season tickets.
So, I'd just like to give a big 'Fuck You' to the people of Montreal.
Thank you.
(With that, Coach Hatcher departs)
- Head coach Britt Hatcher takes the podium -
First of all, I'd like to thank... ummm (squints) both of you for coming. I know the weather outside is trying, what with a light rain shower and all.
Anyway, I have here a written statement from my Offensive and Defensive coordinator... or as I like to call them, my offensive coordinators.
(Unwraps a crumpled piece of paper)
Now then, Coach Krueger has this to say about the OFFENSE:
"We are extremely thrilled to present a brand new offense to the league this year!
The Montreal Firebirds will be exclusively running what we like to refer to as the 3-4 OFFENSE.
The 3-4 Offense consists of our QB, number 3, handing the ball off.."
(Britt Hatcher stops reading, rubs his eyes and mutters "You've got to be fuckin kidding me" under his breath... he lets out a deep sigh)
the offense consists of our QB, number 3, handing off to our new running back, number 4.
Over and over."
(He stops reading)
Sweet shit, I... I gotta sit in on these meetings more often.
(Rubs his eyes)
Ok, let's see if our D Coordinator has any pearls of fuckin wisdom...
(He unwraps another wad of paper and reads)
"Dear Mr Hatcher,
Cut Kim Starks.
- Victor"
(Coach Hatcher puts his head in his hands)
-- A member of the press chimes in:
"Speaking of Kim Starks, has he lived up to expectations? I know you traded multiple picks to grab him in the mid-2nd round"
(Coach Hatcher rubs the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes..)
Kim Starks... he...
Well, he IS making progress. At this point, he has shown that, if given enough time, he can slowly lower himself onto a chair and sit without any help for at least 10 minutes. He can also ... well, ALMOST... he can almost tie BOTH his shoes without getting fatigued.
Ah hell.. we traded half our draft to get him and I would cut him in a heartbeat if it wouldn't hurt our wallets so much. If anyone wants to trade for him, all we're asking in return is a bag of footballs.
In closing, I would also like to thank the people of Canada. I know we haven't been doing well lately, so as a show of good faith , we cut ticket prices.
Out faith was rewarded by even LESS people buying season tickets.
So, I'd just like to give a big 'Fuck You' to the people of Montreal.
Thank you.
(With that, Coach Hatcher departs)
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