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Phantoms head to Dakota... as IFL fans.

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  • Phantoms head to Dakota... as IFL fans.

    by Spark Wonup
    Lawrence Sun Times


    The sheer weight of an IFL season - physically, mentally, spiritually - can't be fathomed by the average fan. 5 days per week it's almost impossible to spot an open "tub" in any given teams recovery/relaxation area. Bye weeks seem like an oasis in the desert, forever teasing players and coaches with the promise of rest, and ultimately provide a much needed respite from the cruel punishment of a potential 21 game season.

    So why are a minimum of 13 Lawrence Phantoms (and ex-Phantom Lenny Romano) jumping aboard a plane and headed to the Dakota vs. Vermont match-up this Sunday as though this was a leisurely off-season week?

    "To watch some familiar faces play some good football", stated team owner/GM Jester Blaze. "A lot of us aren't just professionals. We're also fans of the game. A lot of us have known Tobias (Stanfield, QB - Dakota) for almost a decade and some of us longer than that. Not a one of us has ever had the chance to watch him play while holding no stake in the outcome of the game. This will be our first opportunity to do what millions have done for 17 years: Watch Stanfield strictly from a fans' point of view."

    "There's also a few other familiar faces on the Spirit and of course we're perpetually familiar with the Mountaineers' roster so this should just be a real good time!"

    Among those going are such names as Edwin Bates (C), Harris Mahoney (RB), Jimmy Carlisle (DE), and as noted earlier ex-Phantom WR Lenny Romano.

    Not all Phantoms share the feel-good philosophy though.

    Current Phantoms star WR, Arnold Greene had a different take on the subject: "When I look at Tobias Stanfield I expect him to be in a Phantoms uniform throwing a potential TD pass to me. That's the only thing that makes sense to me. No, I will not be going."
    <a href="http://glb2.warriorgeneral.com/game/signup.pl?ref=10223"><img src="http://goallineblitz.com/images/game/design/glb_badge-180x60.gif" /></a>
    IFL Champions: 2011, 2013, 2022, 2023.

  • #2
    nice
    NEWARK BULLDOGS WALL OF HONOR
    DE JUSTIN JONES
    LB DOMINGO PERSAUD
    TE THOMAS MACOMBER
    LT IRWIN KAO
    WR ANDREW ROBEY
    SS GREGORY BOYD
    RB ALAN CRESPO
    G MALCOLM "BIG KAT" SINGLETON
    WR WALTER WALKER
    G AMOS BAILEY
    QB DWIGHT "KING" BURGER
    RB GARY "THE SITUATION" JAMISON
    WR JOSE HOOVER
    K BUTCH SCHULZ
    LB MACK EDWARDS
    DE STEPHEN BRIGHAM
    WR JESSE LUCAS
    C NORMAN ENRIGHT
    SS JUNIOR EL NIN0



    Comment


    • #3
      Letter from Dakota George.

      To the members of the Phantoms who have come to see the game in Dakota. I would just like to welcome you and let you know that we have put aside a luxury box for you guys and all food and beverages are on us. We are glad to have you here supporting your former team member and hope that you find your stay here most hospitable. We would like to let you know we will also be reimbursing you for your plane tickets as well.


      Sincerely,

      Dakota George

      Comment


      • #4
        by Spark Wonup
        Lawrence Sun Times


        12:00pm "this time", which I believe is, and will hereto be referred to as, Central Standard Time but when you get a last minute call from your most beloved sports team explaining that there's room for a legendary journalist like myself aboard an all-expenses-paid journey to the Dakota Spirit homeland to watch what's in all likelihood the last Standfield vs. Sepulveda fight you do what any responsible reporter would do: you start inducing whatever's onhand and put in a few calls for chemical reinforcements all in an effort to cover this event righteously! So anyway...

        12:00pm: We've arrived. At 5'9" I've never thought of myself as a small man but I've been wee liliputioned by these gargantuan apes in Phantom uniforms! The air smells ripe of gratuitous Hors D'oeuvres by a gracious host but I dare not travel through the forrest of randomly swinging anvil forearms. The noise of a dozen poorly aimed half-conversations compete for a fool's pecking order of words that shall never be remember past this day. And in comes 4 Spirit employees each with a case of Champagne or Wine. The mood was jubilant but somehow I could tell this was going to get ugly...


        12:11pm: I can't focus on the upcoming game. Sure the Rum has something to do with it. The mushrooms? Probably... But what's pulling at my last nerve like a child asking "Are we there yet?" is the size of this guy's head in the 300-380D area! The man's head is huge! To top it off he's for some reason dyed it red and thus the freak swine looks like a damn human candy apple!! People are expected to deal with some things when packed like sardines into a stadium designed to hold 71,000 screaming sports fans, but this man's noggin... no one should have to deal with this. I'm going to have to do something about this...


        12:34pm: One case of Dakota's finest down and Sherman Shawwa (CB) has been taped to the wall. Since he's the only man shorter than me in the room I naturally feel as though I'm now On Deck should the need arise to physically demean another human for good old fashioned laughs. I've tasted the food at this point. I first thought it odd to see an assortment of 9 different soups at a professional football game. Then I tasted some of them. This is good fucking soup, man!! I especially like the Ministrone topped with shredded Havarti cheese.


        12:52pm: The stadium is about as packed as it's going to get at this point. The additional inhabitants have mellowed both Mr. Noggin's visual distraction and the drunken audible slur of the beasts surrounding me. Gazing over the sea of IFL fanatics I see that there are quite a few Tobias Stanfield Phantoms jerseys in the crowd. Also a few Gary Jamison Spirit jerseys and an old Julian Cartagena Columbia Fire jersey so if there's a point I'm not the one making it.

        1:17pm: Kickoff!!

        1:26pm: Both QBs look good on their opening possessions yet are forced to punt nonetheless. The loss of Dean Garrison is blatent for Dakota already! They'll need to figure something out or Tobias is going to be throwing on the run... or laying on his ass... all day.

        1:37pm: The Mighty Sepulveda strikes first with an overhand right to Dennis Bakker and the fight is on! 7-0 Mountaineers and the alcohol is flowing in this room!

        1:43pm: 2nd Quarter. Sepulveda controlled that whole 1st round and is the aggressor to start round 2...

        1:49pm: After Stanfield fights tooth and nail to the Vermont 11 his cornerman, TE Bob Stewart, throws in the towell and Dakota settles for a figgie. 7-3 Mountaineers and drunken chants of "All praise... Dakota George!" let any version of silence know that it's not welcome here, in this place, at this time.

        1:52pm: All is not lost for Stanfield as Safety Warren Blades shows Virgil Sepulveda his Negotiating Stance and says "Back this up about 11 yards, switch possession of the ball, and we got a deal" via an interception at Virgil's own 46. Stanfield closes in on a bruised Vermont squad leaning against the ropes...

        1:54pm: Dakota's offensive strategy is resembling the old "3 yards and a cloud of dust" that no one wants for their team, which is bringing focus back to Mushroom Head in the stands. This team needs 1-2 more WRs and for the love of the IFL gods to take the chains off of Stanfield and let the man swing away for something bigger than a 6 yarder! Meanwhile kicker Jon Hancock leaves Tobias stranded at the 29 yard line by pulling a 46 yarder. Still 7-3 Mountaineers and the "If I was out there" talk is starting up...

        2:01pm: Virgil is in top form and stuns Stanfield with a combo ending in a 13 yard strike to Bakker again! Ouch, man! It hurts to watch the legend get beat like this! 14-3 Mountaineers and I'm not sure Stanfield's gonna be fighting back from this.

        2:05pm: Showing how little I know Sepulveda slips (unsportsmanlike - Vermont) allowing Stanfield to time a perfect 34 yard uppercut to WR Blake Ameche and we've still got a fight on our hands! 14-10 Mountaineers.

        2:23 Halftime. Turns out Mellon Cranium doesn't have a sense of humor about his Big Rock and is also an Orlando Pirates fan. I've thus purchased for him one brand spanking new 4XL Pirates hoodey complete with a tarp of a hood big enough to cover that planet of his. This should help the bleeding in my eyes, I only hope. Now to the rest room to smoke this doobie...

        2:37pm: Start of the 3rd Quarter. The dastardly Bulldogs are leading the Demons 24-7 and look comfortably on their way to a foul 5-1 record. What a horrible day! Elizabeth, one more liter of vodka and I'm comin' to join you, honey!!!

        2:42pm: Rickey Moss majestically rips a Stanfield dart out of the air and returns it 27 yards to set up a Vermont FG. 17-10 Mountaineers.

        2:48pm: Dakota has run on just about every 1st and 10 this game and had no success doing so. I've rubbed my eyes with jalepenos and goldschlaggers to dull the pain of watching the handicap it's putting on our local hero, Stanfield.

        3:12pm: Half-way through the final round and Stanfield's cornermen continue to drop the ball, literally. Two excellent Dakota drives come up short and the Mountaineers still lead 17-16 but could easily be down at this point.

        3:41pm: In perfect control of the fight Virgil Sepulveda steps back and lets it go to a 17-16 decision in his favor as the clock winds down on the final battle between these two great warriors and past Champions. Thank you both for the memories!






        EX PHANTOM STATS: 187 passing yards, 1 passing TD, 7 tackles, 4 assists, 0.5 sacks.
        <a href="http://glb2.warriorgeneral.com/game/signup.pl?ref=10223"><img src="http://goallineblitz.com/images/game/design/glb_badge-180x60.gif" /></a>
        IFL Champions: 2011, 2013, 2022, 2023.

        Comment


        • #5
          yeah was sad. a missed FG and a 44 yard TD pass called back due to holding. Youch.

          Comment


          • #6
            Love the Jamison jersey comment.

            love the insight Jester
            NEWARK BULLDOGS WALL OF HONOR
            DE JUSTIN JONES
            LB DOMINGO PERSAUD
            TE THOMAS MACOMBER
            LT IRWIN KAO
            WR ANDREW ROBEY
            SS GREGORY BOYD
            RB ALAN CRESPO
            G MALCOLM "BIG KAT" SINGLETON
            WR WALTER WALKER
            G AMOS BAILEY
            QB DWIGHT "KING" BURGER
            RB GARY "THE SITUATION" JAMISON
            WR JOSE HOOVER
            K BUTCH SCHULZ
            LB MACK EDWARDS
            DE STEPHEN BRIGHAM
            WR JESSE LUCAS
            C NORMAN ENRIGHT
            SS JUNIOR EL NIN0



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