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Death. Taxes. An Ogre Fumble.
Lansing had just narrowly escaped Vermont with a 38-35 win. On paper this game should not have been this close as the 3-1 upstart Ogres were expected to pound the 0-4 Mountaineers. But an ugly monster reared its head onto the Ogre teams. The monster's name: Fumble-itis. Rookie sensation "Charlie" Ward fumbled the ball 3 times and Dom Guthrie, Tom Dewitt, and Herman Matthews each put the ball on the turf one time for a total of 6 fumbles in the game. This isn't the first time the organization has dealt with this problem as Dom Guthrie had 10 fumbles in the 2013 season and has 30 career fumbles.
The problem is suspected to have originated as an "extreme case of the drops" or "alligator arms" where a reciever could not hold onto a pass. This was first brought to the roster by star WR Sherman Jarvis, now of the Oakland Devildogs. Jarvis starred in his 9 seasons as an Ogre, breaking numerous records along the way, one however was dubious record of drops. When he left Lansing this offseason Jarvis owned the career record of drops, 103, and has a margin on the next highest total (77) by a whopping 26 drops.
This case of the "drops" is believed to have mutated at some point of Jarvis's tenure with Lansing. At some point it turned into the more potent "Fumble-itis", letting the player posses the ball before having it slip back out of his hand. This can decimate teams and destroy careers. Dom Guthrie never got a fair shake in Lansing, and Charlie Ward could be heading down the same path if he cant cure this disease.
New Official Glue of the Lansing Ogres!
GM Morellomre has had enough of this nonsense and set out to do something about it..and make a little bit of cash on the side. Enter your new Official Glue of The Lansing Ogres: Elmer's Glue. The plan at the moment is to have players dip their hands in buckets of glue before each series as a deterrent to the Fumble-itis. However, the coaching staff and players are expected to be creative in its uses. We asked for some reactions:
"I think its a great idea - i just hope it doesn't mess with my mechanics."
-QB Tom DeWitt
"Those offensive clowns better not slap my behind after a big stop...if that shit sticks it could get mighty awkward"
-DT Albert Ogden
"We have to be discreet getting it into the game..rumor has it the rookies are drawing straws on who gets to bring a glue stick into the huddle via a small, uncomfortable place...and im not talking about the back of a Volkswagen."
-RT Adam Brewer
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