2013 IFL Owner Awards

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LIVE, FROM RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL,
IT'S THE 2013 IMPERIAL LEAGUE OWNER AWARDS



THE CROWD IS FILING IN

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And Now Ladies And Gentlemen
Your host, Norm McDonald!!

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So How about this Dakota George guy huh? The last time I heard that much complaining from someone, I was having sex with them!!

Ok, but really, we're here to honor the best and brightest in the IFL. And to present our first award, a woman who's breasts desrve their own award, like.......beast breasts..........Jennifer Love Hewitt!

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Thank you Norm. And now, the winner for Special Teams Player Of The Year.

WR Nathan Mullin, California Heroes

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Wow congratulations to Hell Atlantic and Nathan Mullin. How about that ya know, thee uh, number 1 pick in the draft, AND Special Teams Player Of The Year. That's quite a return. The last time someone got such a return on their investment they were dealing with Micheal Madoff for gods sakes.

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Ok, but enough with the jokes. Now it's time to announce the winner of Defensive Rookie Of The Year, and to do that, perhaps the greatest champion of industry, Mr. Bill Gates.

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Thank you Norm, it's an honor to give out this award. I also want to note that the 2013 IFL Owner Awards were tabulated on Microsoft Software. That's right, over 20 votes were counted with only 2 crashes!

Ok, now the Defensive Rookie Of The Year,

CB Edgar Fyie, Tulsa TigerHawks

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I'd like to say hello at this time to some of the owners in the crowd. JesterBlaze is here....interesting story about Jester. Did you know that when Nate Newton was busted with 500lbs of marijuana in his trunk he was on his way to Jesters house?

And that's the perfect segway for our next presenter, 136 time Olympic Gold Medalists, Micheal Phelps!

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Thank you Norm, It's a great honor to be here tonight in the presence of so many superstars as well as a Cheetos vending machine backstage.



Ok, now it's time to present the award for the Offensive Rookie Of The Year,

WR Chris Andrews, Tulsa TigerHawks

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fantastic

a Canadian hosting the IFL awards show.

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GOOD LORD MICHEAL, PUT SOME PANTS ON!!!

How Embarrassing huh? Micheal and Jave wore the same outfit.

Ok. Now on to the award for Defensive Player Of The Year. And here to present it, my good friend, comedian Artie Lang.

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Wow, i'd like to say it's an honor to be here but the truth is I wasn't gonna come till they ponied up and put Calzones and Meatballs Marinara on the kraft table in the back.

Ok, so now the award for Defensive Player Of The Year,

DT Toby Torres, Orlando Pirates

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Congratulations to Mr. Torres. It's been a tough offseason for him with people saying his contract was absurd and saying he was overpaid. Why I had the same thing happen to me when Dirty Work was released. Mr. Bob Saget suggested I return all $500 of my salary for that film.



Ok, we're getting close to the end here so let's present another award shall we?
Here to present the award for Offensive Player Of The Year, a lady who is no stranger to the fantastic and wonderous city, Mrs Sarah Jessica Parker!!

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Thank you Norm. It's great to do an event like this in the city where we can walk too and my husband doesn't have to drive.

And now the award for Offensive Player Of The Year,

QB Gene Hamilton, Lansing Ogres

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Sarah, why the long face? Haha.

Ok, now it's time to present the big 2 awards of the year and cap off our night. And here to do that, one of the preemptive actors of this or any generation, Mr. Morgan Freeman.