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by Don King
Contract Promoter for the Lawrence Phantoms
As I'm sure all of you know, the electrifying, unbelievable, knock-em-down, someone's getting dragged out tonight boxing events I've promoted over the years are the stuff of legend, baby. Well my services have recently been aquired by non other than the IFL's Lawrence Phantoms to rectify a flabbergasting, shocking situation that is the lack of knowledge and well-deserved, hard earned respect of the league media. It's a sham of bambooziflical proportions. When Jester came to me I thought it was a prank. Hell the guy's name is Jester. How could a magnifruitigal team of epicicity and an overabunduncity of such talent not be higher on league rankings? I was perplexified into astonishmentatiy.
Their quarterback is absolutely, positively, superstanious! The man does not throw interceptions! And most of the time he throws the ball it ends up in the hands of the fluidacious, road-runnerific speedy, best big-play-ability-in-the-league receiver Lenny Ramano. If not he's got 381 pts of big-play ability devided up amongst his next 5 receivers, one of which is James "Crazy Man" Caylor at TE. That boy has got 100% pugilistictanious killer instinctafictness, a good ol' fashioned gun-toten' mean streak!
On defense they're simply the best. There's no need for any vocabulistic wordification to describe such a pure, untaintemated statement. They boast a gigantagious defensive line that equals or supercedes any other in the league, baby! The linebackers are entering the primes of their careers and look to be supercallafragilistical! Together they rank 2nd in the league in cohesion due to their time spent together. Danny "Gimme da ball" Lenhart is out right now but the defense is backed by two Probowlerantagious safeties looking to make their mark on this league.
Yes, sir. The atrociousocity mustn't be allowed to continue.
Contract Promoter for the Lawrence Phantoms
As I'm sure all of you know, the electrifying, unbelievable, knock-em-down, someone's getting dragged out tonight boxing events I've promoted over the years are the stuff of legend, baby. Well my services have recently been aquired by non other than the IFL's Lawrence Phantoms to rectify a flabbergasting, shocking situation that is the lack of knowledge and well-deserved, hard earned respect of the league media. It's a sham of bambooziflical proportions. When Jester came to me I thought it was a prank. Hell the guy's name is Jester. How could a magnifruitigal team of epicicity and an overabunduncity of such talent not be higher on league rankings? I was perplexified into astonishmentatiy.
Their quarterback is absolutely, positively, superstanious! The man does not throw interceptions! And most of the time he throws the ball it ends up in the hands of the fluidacious, road-runnerific speedy, best big-play-ability-in-the-league receiver Lenny Ramano. If not he's got 381 pts of big-play ability devided up amongst his next 5 receivers, one of which is James "Crazy Man" Caylor at TE. That boy has got 100% pugilistictanious killer instinctafictness, a good ol' fashioned gun-toten' mean streak!
On defense they're simply the best. There's no need for any vocabulistic wordification to describe such a pure, untaintemated statement. They boast a gigantagious defensive line that equals or supercedes any other in the league, baby! The linebackers are entering the primes of their careers and look to be supercallafragilistical! Together they rank 2nd in the league in cohesion due to their time spent together. Danny "Gimme da ball" Lenhart is out right now but the defense is backed by two Probowlerantagious safeties looking to make their mark on this league.
Yes, sir. The atrociousocity mustn't be allowed to continue.
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