Tweet
May 4, 2005 - Portland
We have just learned that JBL commissioner, Marmel, has sold some of his stock in that league in order to purchase an IFL team. Sources reveal that there were two teams for sale, Portland and Tulsa. Marmel upped his winning bid in order to NOT get stuck with the Tulsa franchise.
[camera zooms in on Marmel wandering around a nice, quaint, coastal town. Cell phone to his ear. Let's listen in.]
Marmel: I can't find the stadium and nobody around here has ever heard of the Portland Seals.
Mysterious Voice on the other end: Are you sure you are looking in the right place? Tell me your exact location.
Marmel: Yeah. I know where I am. Let's see here....it is 389 Congress Street.
MV: Hmmm, and you sure you are in Portland?
Marmel: Give me some credit. I am at 389 Congress Street. Portland, Maine, 04101.
MV: Wait, did you say Maine?
Marmel: Where do you think Portland is?
MV: There is a Portland in Maine. The Portland where the Seals are....try 3,195 miles west. That would be Portland, Oregon.
Marmel: [dead silence]
MV: You there?
Marmel: You mean to tell me I bought a fake football team in Oregon? I would have taken the Tulsa franchise had I know that! What is there in Oregon?
MV: Besides the Seals, there are the Trailblazers of the NBA. You can also find lots of Beavers out there.
Marmel: Please tell me I have some great legendary QB on the team at least.
MV: No. His name is Jared Mulcahy. He is currently injured and won't be able to work out for you for another 9 weeks.
Marmel: Who is his backup?
MV: Nobody. We only have 1 QB on contract.
Marmel: How much did I pay for this franchise?
MV: Too much if you ask me sir.
Marmel: OK, one more question. How many games did we win last year and how far in the playoffs did they advance.
MV: 7 games and no playoffs.
Marmel: Beautiful. Get the word out that I will listen to any and all trade offers. Tell them I want to get younger and that I have zero attachment to any of these player. Make sure they know I will be cautious though, until I get a firm grip on what certain players are worth in this league. Most importantly, let the players know I don't care about them and have no loyalty to them and will cut them at my descretion.
MV: Yes sir.
Marmel: When I get out there, make sure the coach is ready to meet with me...
[camera fades out]
[/url]
We have just learned that JBL commissioner, Marmel, has sold some of his stock in that league in order to purchase an IFL team. Sources reveal that there were two teams for sale, Portland and Tulsa. Marmel upped his winning bid in order to NOT get stuck with the Tulsa franchise.
[camera zooms in on Marmel wandering around a nice, quaint, coastal town. Cell phone to his ear. Let's listen in.]
Marmel: I can't find the stadium and nobody around here has ever heard of the Portland Seals.
Mysterious Voice on the other end: Are you sure you are looking in the right place? Tell me your exact location.
Marmel: Yeah. I know where I am. Let's see here....it is 389 Congress Street.
MV: Hmmm, and you sure you are in Portland?
Marmel: Give me some credit. I am at 389 Congress Street. Portland, Maine, 04101.
MV: Wait, did you say Maine?
Marmel: Where do you think Portland is?
MV: There is a Portland in Maine. The Portland where the Seals are....try 3,195 miles west. That would be Portland, Oregon.
Marmel: [dead silence]
MV: You there?
Marmel: You mean to tell me I bought a fake football team in Oregon? I would have taken the Tulsa franchise had I know that! What is there in Oregon?
MV: Besides the Seals, there are the Trailblazers of the NBA. You can also find lots of Beavers out there.
Marmel: Please tell me I have some great legendary QB on the team at least.
MV: No. His name is Jared Mulcahy. He is currently injured and won't be able to work out for you for another 9 weeks.
Marmel: Who is his backup?
MV: Nobody. We only have 1 QB on contract.
Marmel: How much did I pay for this franchise?
MV: Too much if you ask me sir.
Marmel: OK, one more question. How many games did we win last year and how far in the playoffs did they advance.
MV: 7 games and no playoffs.
Marmel: Beautiful. Get the word out that I will listen to any and all trade offers. Tell them I want to get younger and that I have zero attachment to any of these player. Make sure they know I will be cautious though, until I get a firm grip on what certain players are worth in this league. Most importantly, let the players know I don't care about them and have no loyalty to them and will cut them at my descretion.
MV: Yes sir.
Marmel: When I get out there, make sure the coach is ready to meet with me...
[camera fades out]
[/url]
Comment