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Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is the 2 million dollar leg. That is right, Sherwood Hack, Kicker for you very own Iowa City Snipe Hunters.
I have recently been given the new job as Public Relations here at Pig Pen Stadium and I'd like to start off my first address with an exert of yesterday's press release from GM of the Snipe Hunters, roadrash.
"The former PR director has been let go, because frankly, he hasn't done shit in the last two years. So we started our search for a new PR director at the beginning of the off season. But PR directors, good ones anyway, are expensive. And we are a small market team. So we decided to look for someone within the organization who is getting paid more than their worth. With a career field goal percentage of 76.6%, as PR director, we hope we can get our monies worth out of him. So without further adieu, I give you the new PR Director: Sherwood Hack.”
So here I am. I am pretty sure he was kidding about the 76.6% thing. Let me check my stat book. Oh, moving on, The Snipe Hunters have seen some big changes since that heart breaking loss in the playoffs last season. The biggest change is the departure of star QB Chris Chaplin to Houston. Then immediately traded to Salt Lake City. That has got to suck. The league has been around for what, 5 seasons? And Chaplin has played on just about every team in the league.
Anyway, Chaplin is gone, and now Sammy Matthews is the man. I consider Sammy my close personal friend, meaning he is the only member of the team to not give me a wedgie, and believe that he can lead this team to the big game. Sammy will have an extra weapon, on injured reserve, this year, with IWC drafting another WR in the 1st round of the draft. Clarence Bly will be joining Cory Harris and Brent Nelson in the receiving corp, when healthy, but may not be far enough along this year to make a big impact.
Nor will second round stand out Butch Tubbs. Tubbs may be ready to start, but defensive on field leader, Franklin Trigg, is not ready to step down. I spoke to the 11 year vet free safety earlier today at practice and asked if the D can improve on the league leading performance of last year. He said, and I quote, “Do you work here?”
Well, that pretty much sums it up, but I think I should translate considering my market. What Mr. Trigg means is that anyone who has any clue, knows that Iowa has every starter returning, and a serious chip on their shoulder from last years playoff loss.
That is pretty much all I can say about the Defense without once again getting stuck on the towel rack.
So back to the offense. Which also has the entire group returning as well. You know, I’ve been here since the beginning, and other than a few here and a few there, IWC doesn’t really have much turn around in players. I asked the coach about that and he said, “Well, we believe that cohesion is a good thing. And you should to, since if we didn’t believe that, your ass would have been cut two to three years ago.”
Let me tell you folks, cohesion rocks. I also asked Coach about the game plan for Cleveland tomorrow, and he said, “What the hell do you need to know our game plan for? Never mind, here is your game plan. When I tell you, you kick the ball. Got it? Now hit the showers, and watch out for that towel rack.”
I am no expert on football, but I believe that Iowa is going to try and score more points that Cleveland. And if they do that, they should be able to pull off a win.
Well I am running out of time today, so make sure to tune in tomorrow for the IFL kickoff weekend as you very own Iowa City Snipe Hunters host the Cleveland Clawz right here at Pig Pen Stadium.
This is the 2 million dollar leg kicking off.
I have recently been given the new job as Public Relations here at Pig Pen Stadium and I'd like to start off my first address with an exert of yesterday's press release from GM of the Snipe Hunters, roadrash.
"The former PR director has been let go, because frankly, he hasn't done shit in the last two years. So we started our search for a new PR director at the beginning of the off season. But PR directors, good ones anyway, are expensive. And we are a small market team. So we decided to look for someone within the organization who is getting paid more than their worth. With a career field goal percentage of 76.6%, as PR director, we hope we can get our monies worth out of him. So without further adieu, I give you the new PR Director: Sherwood Hack.”
So here I am. I am pretty sure he was kidding about the 76.6% thing. Let me check my stat book. Oh, moving on, The Snipe Hunters have seen some big changes since that heart breaking loss in the playoffs last season. The biggest change is the departure of star QB Chris Chaplin to Houston. Then immediately traded to Salt Lake City. That has got to suck. The league has been around for what, 5 seasons? And Chaplin has played on just about every team in the league.
Anyway, Chaplin is gone, and now Sammy Matthews is the man. I consider Sammy my close personal friend, meaning he is the only member of the team to not give me a wedgie, and believe that he can lead this team to the big game. Sammy will have an extra weapon, on injured reserve, this year, with IWC drafting another WR in the 1st round of the draft. Clarence Bly will be joining Cory Harris and Brent Nelson in the receiving corp, when healthy, but may not be far enough along this year to make a big impact.
Nor will second round stand out Butch Tubbs. Tubbs may be ready to start, but defensive on field leader, Franklin Trigg, is not ready to step down. I spoke to the 11 year vet free safety earlier today at practice and asked if the D can improve on the league leading performance of last year. He said, and I quote, “Do you work here?”
Well, that pretty much sums it up, but I think I should translate considering my market. What Mr. Trigg means is that anyone who has any clue, knows that Iowa has every starter returning, and a serious chip on their shoulder from last years playoff loss.
That is pretty much all I can say about the Defense without once again getting stuck on the towel rack.
So back to the offense. Which also has the entire group returning as well. You know, I’ve been here since the beginning, and other than a few here and a few there, IWC doesn’t really have much turn around in players. I asked the coach about that and he said, “Well, we believe that cohesion is a good thing. And you should to, since if we didn’t believe that, your ass would have been cut two to three years ago.”
Let me tell you folks, cohesion rocks. I also asked Coach about the game plan for Cleveland tomorrow, and he said, “What the hell do you need to know our game plan for? Never mind, here is your game plan. When I tell you, you kick the ball. Got it? Now hit the showers, and watch out for that towel rack.”
I am no expert on football, but I believe that Iowa is going to try and score more points that Cleveland. And if they do that, they should be able to pull off a win.
Well I am running out of time today, so make sure to tune in tomorrow for the IFL kickoff weekend as you very own Iowa City Snipe Hunters host the Cleveland Clawz right here at Pig Pen Stadium.
This is the 2 million dollar leg kicking off.
